i wish i could talk to my brother. sometimes its when you're in the deepest shit possible that you realize that you're too far away from the one person who can help you...

i've made many mistakes in life. over the last one week, i discovered i'd made another one. looking back, it's like a foresaw this happening. as if, i needed to do it to prove something, or destroy something.

anyway - i havent been able to write for a few days because i havent been able to sort out all the stuff going through my head. wish i could go back in time and change some stuff that i did. wish we got that chance. made a mistake - jst press rewind and go fix it. would make life much more simple, or would it. that's the plot of "butterfly effect" i think. :D

anyway, xeb was right. friends do care about you. it just takes one weird blog post for them to come to help. my friends thought i was going slightly nutty and took me out to lunch...love 'em to bits. i never really know what to expect of them though. one minute they're there, the next they aren't.

right now, i wish i could go back to my childhood - somehow i've always thought of that as the happiest times i had. i don't know why - they weren't particularly happy.